Friend of the Devil
by GoodniteGirl23
Summary: An inside look at Jackson Teller and the guilt of living with decisons you never meant to make.
1. Chapter 1

**There's been a bit of a lull on this page so I took it upon myself to put something new out there. It was just sort of to pass the time, I don't really know if I'll continue to write for this or not I kind of have my hands full with my other stories, but we'll see I guess never say never right. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it please R&R**

Jackson Teller was like a hungry man too often fed the leftovers from someone else's plate. His choices had been made for him a long time ago by his mother, and the massive responsibilities that he now faced were brought to him knowingly by her and laid before him. And he the ever dutiful son not wanting to disappoint her, unwittingly stepped into the role she had been carefully crafting for him all his life.

That's not to say that Jax didn't enjoy parts of his life. There was the freedom he felt from the constraints of an ordinary existence. The mixture of fear and admiration from men he hardly knew. The lust he saw flash on women's faces when he walked into a room. Of course, the rush of adrenaline that usually followed a job well done in his line of work.

These were the high points for him, but sometimes they were hard to see when he would hit a low. In those moments these things barley registered amongst the pain, guilt, anger, and remorse he felt at the life that he led. In those moments all he could see is what could have been, who he would be now if his life had taken a different turn. He could pinpoint exactly where his life and taken that hard sharp turn from which there was no going back.

It was a day in late summer; he'd just graduated high school that spring. Standing there in the driveway he had to squint to block out the bright mid-day sun, but he was still able to make out the tears that were welling up at the edges of her eyes. He'd had girls before her and plenty after, but she was different. She'd tried to tell him he could be different too. And for a moment in that driveway with the sun in his eyes he thought maybe she was right. But he just stood there and watched her get into the car with her parents and drive out of Charming and his life.

Jax had loved her, and it broke his heart in pieces to be without her. But he couldn't show it, or say it, hell he felt like a pussy for even thinking about it as much as he did. So, he went on with his life as if nothing had changed, but the truth was that for him everything had changed. He couldn't stop thinking about what his life would have looked like away from Charming and the pressures and expectations of his family and the club. How he could have become a different man with her by his side.

But time rolls on and the wounds begin to heal and the time in between the lows seems to stretch out a little more. Pretty soon Jax started to feel almost comfortable in his life and in his skin. He began to realize what was expected of him and how to provide it. He had found his rhythm and it wasn't long before he'd settled into the role that had been bestowed upon him.

But he was always reserving some part of himself back. Making sure never to give too much of himself away again. Hell, even when he married Wendy he didn't think it would last. It was almost as if he'd done it to spite himself. To quiet the feeling that he'd never find anyone to replace _**her**_, and that he'd always feel this empty and alone inside.

Wendy had always known that he was living with one foot out the door, and she had enough of her own baggage to weigh down a freighter. So it came as no real shock to either of them that things fell apart quickly. The part that left Jax dumbfounded and frankly pissed off was that on the day he'd gone to tell Wendy he was filing for a divorce she'd dropped a bomb on him, she was pregnant.

During the following months Jax had been determined to stay mad, to prevent himself form really caring about his unborn child. It was mostly self-preservation, with the kid having to survive in Wendy's drug addled body for nine months Jax wasn't even sure if he'd ever see the thing alive let alone be a father to it. But beyond that he was hurt and disappointed in himself for being so careless and getting involved with Wendy when he was in love with someone else. He'd always held out hope that somehow _**they'd **_end up married and _**she'd**_be the mother to his child. Now that was all slipping away, and he'd let it happen.

The news that Wendy had gone in to early labor because of drug abuse didn't really phase Jax as he drove to the hospital with his mother. He wasn't really listening to her rant about what a dumbass Wendy was to put the baby in such a dangerous situation and how she would kill her if anything happened. He was lost in a haze, he couldn't help letting his mind wander to how different this day would have been if things had turned out the way he'd always felt they should have. How fucked up he'd let his life become without her.

As Jax walked into the neonatal unit of the hospital he couldn't help but be drawn to her. There she was, standing over his son and he had to squint because of the bright fluorescent lights but he could see the tears welling up in the edges of her eyes as she met his stare from across the room. And just like that he was hers all over again, as if not one day had passed. The love of his life had come back to him and not a moment too soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** Sorry this has taken me so long. I've had this chapter written out for a while now I just haven't had the time to put the finishing touches on it and post the darn thing. I know not all of you are huge fans of Tara/Jax but there is something about the road not traveled that always draws me in. Anyway I hope that you all enjoy this, I've had some anxiety about creating a follow up to such a well recieved debut so go easy on me. And last but not least thank you all so very much for the wonderful reviews, they really mean the world to me. That said...on with the show.**

Friend of the Devil Chapter 2:

Just being in the same vicinity as Jackson Teller had always had a very strong effect on Tara. Her heart rate would increase to immeasurable levels, her breath would catch in her throat, and her knees would turn to jell-o and if she wasn't careful give out on her all together. She would loose herself inside his beautiful eyes the second they made contact with hers causing her to forget everything around her, sometimes it was a miracle she even remembered her own name. Then there where the mental images of the two of them tangled up in one another that would make her flash hot and her tongue to turn into a knot in her mouth. What she hadn't expected was that the time that they'd been apart had done nothing to minimize these effects on her. In fact they'd only quantified the situation to an almost unbearable level. So much so that when she saw him come through the doors of the hospital she no longer responded to the nurse demanding a decision from her. Doctor didn't seem an appropriate title for the love-struck teenager she'd been reduced to.

She knew that this would happen eventually when she moved back to Charming. It's a small town and since the hospital was really just a second home for the men in SAMCRO she knew she'd be face to face with him sooner rather than later. She just hadn't prepared herself for the rush of emotions and memories that would come flooding down on her the second she saw him, which is exactly what was happening. She was instantaneously bombarded with the memories of their time together. Their first kiss, the dance they shared at the high school prom, holding his hand when his father died, him holding hers while she endured the pain of being marked as his for forever, the way he looked while he slept beside her, the way he felt between her thighs, and all the countless rides on the back of his bike gripping tightly to the man she knew she'd love forever.

Then came the pain, the torment of not always knowing where he was and if he'd ever come back. The way the sheets would turn instantly cold when he'd be called out of bed in the middle of the night with out explanation or apology. The constant struggle to stay one step a head of the other woman and girls that would throw themselves at him mercilessly and torture her with their lies and jealousy. The way her heart broke the day she received the acceptance letter from her first choice school thousands of miles away. The taste of the salty tears on her lips as she looked at him in her parents driveway with the sun shining down, and all the sleepless tear soaked nights that followed as she tried to learn how to live without him.

She'd heard through the grapevine of friends that had stayed in Charming that he'd gotten married. She'd be the first to admit she was more than shocked at the news. Jax had whispered to her in the dark nights that one day he'd make an honest woman of her and they'd grow old together, and it haunted Tara to know that those promises now belonged to someone else. She wasn't completely naive, she'd known the day she left that there'd be no shortage of other woman in Jax's life, not to mention his bed, she'd just always held out some small hope that some how she'd still have the honor of being the only woman to have ever held his heart.

Now here she was standing over the proof that that wasn't true. He had become someone's husband, and now someone's father. It ate away at her knowing that this child's mother had done seemingly everything in her power to make the beginning of this child's life as difficult as possible. The idea that someone could be so careless with any life was horrifying, but that it was Jax's child's life that had been gambled with was purely outrageous. She immediately put herself into this woman's position and started thinking of what she would have done and how she would have felt to be Jax's wife and carrying his precious child. She would have cherished everything about it and so she feels this red hot anger rise up inside her at this stranger who so casually tossed all of her one-time dreams away in favor of a needle.

Then reality hits again, and she is forced to deal with the situation at hand. There was a time when that life had been hers for the taking. She could have stayed in Charming at Jax's side and he would have married her and given her a child too, and she had been the one to toss those dreams aside and run away instead. Now the only thing to do was to try to make it up to him, even to herself, and save this child's life in hopes that that would somehow make up for her deserting the life they were supposed to share.

Tara tries in vain to pull herself together to go and speak to Jax. He needs to be informed about the situation and as the doctor it's her job to do that. She takes a few deep breaths hoping to steady her shaky nerves and she's almost ready to walk into the waiting room when she sees Gemma Teller-Morrow pacing back and forth on the floor, letting what she can only assume to be a colorful string of profanities fly from her mouth, she is clearly upset with the mother for putting her grandchild at such a risk. Tara finds herself momentarily sympathizing with Gemma's anger. She herself was ready to succumb to the same emotion only moments ago, until she realizes that since her current target is heavily sedated that she will be forced to bear the weight of Gemma's wrath.

Gemma is fiercely protective of her family and that was something that Tara had always admired in her, up until she broke Jax's heart when she announced that she would be attending school several states away. That's when Gemma turned on her, and made sure to let her know that if she went through with her decision she would no longer be welcome inside Charming city limits, let alone in Gemma's home. Gemma was never Tara's biggest fan, hell no one that she couldn't manipulate with ease would ever get Gemma's seal of approval. But in her tough and abrasive way Gemma had tried to make Tara aware of what life as Jax's old lady would mean for her.

But Tara had been too scared at the realization of what that life would actually be like, and that had helped her stick to her decision to leave even when Jax declined the offer to come with her. The idea that she would have to live her life catering to criminals and the possibility that she would one day loose Jax to either prison or death scared the crap out of Tara and as hard as she tried she could never get Jax to give up that predetermined life in favor of one where they would be free to make their own destiny. She was never going to be ready to be the queen of the outlaws and Jax would never know how to live in a world where he wasn't a king among them.

She tired one more time to push all of these thoughts and emotions out of her head. She needed to take control of the situation at hand and save this child's life, that's her job and if nothing else came from today she was determined to at least be a good doctor. Steadying her nerves and preparing herself for her knees to go week, the last thing she needed was to end up on her face, she slowly pushed the door open and headed for the waiting area.

His back was to her. Gemma spotted her first and stopped pacing and ranting and began to stare directly at Tara with a face that told her that all her presumptions about becoming Gemma's new target were true. In a move that stemmed directly from self-preservation Tara decided to ignore the stare and the fact that it had made her nerves return and moved to place a hand on Jax's shoulder to get him to turn towards her, but before she could he turned around and met her eyes instantly. Thankfully Tara was able to hold herself up on her wobbly legs, and it didn't seem like it took her too long to clear the lump from her throat to be able to speak.

"Hello Jax" she said and even she could hear the uneven nervous tone in her voice.

"Tara," he said. She hadn't prepared for the feeling of hearing her name cross his lips and just like that all the false confidence she had instilled in herself melted away. All those emotions and memories came rolling in again and nearly swept her away with them. And just like that she was his again, as if not one day had passed.


End file.
